A year ago, today, I was having back surgery to correct scoliosis. It is hard to believe that it was only a year ago that the surgery took place. At the same time, I’ve never experienced a year that’s felt as long as this one has.
First of all, I want to thank everyone in the blogging community who was praying for me during that time. It was incredible knowing that people who don’t even know me were praying for my surgery to go well. God bless you all!
As I write this, I feel the need to explain what effect the experience had on my life. After all, I believe God allowed it to happen for a reason. Something that comes to mind when I think about this is when my mom had breast cancer. She always talks about how that was the first time she truly experienced heavenly peace and joy. My experience was much less dramatic. And as awesome as my mom’s testimony is, I suppose God doesn’t have to do something dramatic as evidence of Him working in my life.
So what was the effect? I can say for certain that I matured a lot. Although I can’t pinpoint exactly how I matured, I think that my life, my walk with God, needed an experience like that. Before that, nothing really bad had ever happened in my life. My mom was extremely sick for years before she had cancer, but I think I was too young to understand how bad it was. Other than that, the two worst experiences that I’ve gone through were probably giving up our cats because my mom was allergic (praise God we can have kitties again!), and moving to another state. But the first happened when I was very young, and the second… well, you make new friends. You adjust; you move on, even if it’s hard.
What exactly am I trying to say? I’m afraid I’m not sure. And I do apologize for the rambling in this post. I guess I’m trying to figure this out as I write. In a way, you could say that the experience deepened my perspective of life. For the first time, I really knew what pain was (I was the girl who was terrified of getting shots). I think I also realized that I take a lot for granted. Walking, for example. One of the hardest things after the surgery was just trying to sit up in bed, much less stand and walk.
Now I have to ask myself: is that all I got out of it? Did I have to go through all of that just to have a deeper, more experienced perspective of life? To learn not to take the most basic things for granted? I do think there’s (at least) one more thing. I had to learn to trust. First and most obviously, to trust God to get me through the hardest time of my life. Secondly, I had to (and must continue to) trust that God had a purpose through it all.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
The above passage has always been an encouragement to me. God’s ways our higher than our ways, His thoughts than our thoughts. We will never (in this life) totally understand what He’s doing, but we can take heart in His promise to us.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
If you’ve stayed with me this far, thank you! I know the whole thing is rather jumbled, but that’s how my head feels right now. 🙂 If you have any thoughts, or would like to share a similar experience, please comment! I’d love to hear from you.