A Matter of the Heart


Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to come up with excuses for why I haven’t been blogging lately. Excuses for myself, mostly, although you’ve heard one or two of them.

Busyness has been my favorite excuse. And, for the most part, it’s legitimate. I feel like I’m doing school work from morning till night–well, actually, I don’t feel that way, that’s just how it is. It’s mostly if not entirely due to my tendency to be easily distracted lately, something I’m working on. At any rate, the point is that I just haven’t had much time for anything, blogging included.

Another excuse that I like is overall brain-deadness. (That’s a thing, right?) It seems like every time I do have time to sit down and blog, my brain just goes blank. I sit in front of the computer for half an hour, writing the beginnings of three or four different posts that all end up in the trash.

And as good (or bad) these excuses may be, I’ve begun to realize that they are not the reason that I haven’t been blogging. I believe that my blogging has suffered because I’ve begun to lose my focus on God.

Outwardly, everything’s good. I read my Bible (almost) every day. I pray frequently. I attend church twice a week, and I serve on the worship team. Everything seems right; nothing seems different.

But on the inside, everything feels wrong. My Bible-reading usually feels like a chore, my prayers feel empty, and going to church twice a week in and of itself does not make for a healthy Christian.

I’ve come to realize that I’m in a place where my first priority is my life, and my second priority is God and my relationship with Him. It twists me up inside to write that down, but it’s the truth.

Clearly, this has affected me in every part of my life, but I believe it has struck a heavy blow to my blogging. Every time I started to write a post, it just felt so…wrong. I felt guilty. Hypocritical. Since my relationship with God had weakened, I didn’t feel right telling other people how they could improve their relationship–at least not until I spent some time focusing on my own.

I know that all Christians go through times like this. But I also think that some people don’t pull out of it. I’m not going to let that be me.

My game plan starts with turning my focus from the things of this world to Him. Spending more time in prayer, and taking the time to realize that I’m not just saying meaningless words–I am having a conversation with the One who created me. Reading my Bible more, knowing that I’m not just reading another book, but that I’m reading the holy Word of God, the One who gave His life for me.

I’m also going to start blogging more. I believe that blogging helps me stop in the middle of my schedule and turn my attention to God. To take a moment and think about the things He’s been speaking to my heart.

I also ask for your prayers. Beyond that, I’m not really sure what else I can do. I do know that I don’t need to do anything else, though. If I make the effort to turn my life around and start running towards Him, I know that He’ll be there. This isn’t about what I can do to fix this. It’s about my allowing Him to do a work in my life.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)





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